Bunny Says Rawr

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I’m thinking it’s detox time…

on June 9, 2013

Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE food and I LOVE to eat.  What you might not know is that a little over a year ago I was diagnosed with having binge eating disorder.  I knew I had a problem but admitting it really was difficult.  I started seeing a counselor for it after I ate almost an entire batch of cupcakes in just two days.  They were low fat but that doesn’t make a difference when you eat all of them!

At the time, my husband was deployed overseas.  I was working full time and essentially being a “single” mom.  There were days where I was so exhausted that I could not wait until Boo was ready to bed so I could relax and “veg” on the couch.  Having struggled with my weight for as long as I could remember (I think I began dieting sometime in elementary school) I didn’t like feeling that I was losing control.  I have tried just about every diet under the sun – Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, South Beach, Slim Fast, prescription and non-prescription diet pills, you name it!  Once I even ate less than 10 grams of fat per day based on some friend of my dad’s recommendation.  I have been successful here and there, dropping as much as 25 pounds at a time.  Each time, I get so excited about how I look and feel and then slowly I loosen up the reigns and I allow the weight to creep back up.

During the year I sought counseling I wasn’t doing anything drastically different and I probably had only lost 5 pounds at the most.  What I was doing though was being more conscious of what I was eating, making better choices (though not all the time), and being more active.  A good friend of mine and I would go walking regularly and we even accomplished the Couch to 5k program and ran our first 5k in December.  I felt great!  And I felt like I was on the right track.  I wasn’t worried about dropping a bunch of weight, I just wanted to feel good about myself and set the right example for Boo.

Shortly before moving to Connecticut I started buying more desserts here and there.  It was all stress related.  For a few minutes I would feel good with what I was eating even though I knew it wasn’t good for me.  I blame the Milano cookies for the start of my downfall.  In fact, when we first moved I think I was eating about a pack a day.  I’ll let that sink in for a moment… A PACK A DAY!  Since then I’ve been shoveling in cookies, or icecream, or the occassional pudding.  I’m eating desserts every single day.  I not only feel like I’m losing control, I know that I am.

I’ve noticed that now I that I work from home I am CONSTANTLY throwing food in mouth and on top of that I’m lucky if I drink even half the amount of water that I’m used to.  Surprisingly enough my weight hasn’t changed much – it’s the same 5 pounds that I lose and gain pretty frequently – but I feel HORRIBLE.  My body feels bloated (rings and clothes definitely don’t fit the same), my skin looks bad, and with every bite I eat I know what I am doing and am pissed off at myself for not even trying to change it.

Last week, after indulging in donuts and pies and other crap while on my trip to Virginia and back, I ended up consuming two pints of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream (one of which I ate in a day!).  At this point, I’m off all regular meds for my anxiety and I haven’t talked to a professional about anything in three months… and it shows.  I’m stressed out, depressed, and over the past few weeks the homesickness has begun to set in (frankly, I’m surprised it’s taken this long).

I don’t normally talk to my husband about my eating habits – mainly because saying it out loud just makes me feel ashamed and makes it feel that much more real.  However, this weekend we had a heart to heart and I shared how I need a dessert-detox.  It sounds silly but when you constantly obsess over food and have a hard time stopping the bad habits once they start, you need something a bit drastic to get your ass in gear.  I’m so obsessed with food that I know for a fact that I once went 40 days without dessert.  It was a challenge I gave myself one year when many folks were participating in Lent.  The first couple days were tough but by the end when I was able to eat desserts again I didn’t really want to.

In an effort to get myself back on track I am planning to start a dessert detox tomorrow.  I don’t have a set time frame this go-around, instead I am going to take it one week at a time.  I figure at the rate I’m going making it even one day without a dessert is better than continuing on the track I’m on.  I don’t expect to be perfect (though I’m constantly trying to be… that’s a whole other blog post in itself) but I do expect to makes strides towards being healthier and to indulging only occasionally.  I don’t plan to give up desserts forever; I just plan to make them a less regular part of my diet.

I’ll do my best to keep you posted on my progress.

’til next time!



4 responses to “I’m thinking it’s detox time…

  1. Aimee says:

    I can relate to every single thing about this post. I totally get it and have been in the same boat as you for the last few weeks. I even broke down about it last week because I feel totally out of control. I signed up for WW again ( I know, again) because I realized I just can’t do this on my own. I think a dessert detox is a great idea and I should do the same! It would actually be nice if fruit tasted sweet again lol. I noticed when I was going through my gallbladder issues and couldn’t eat certain things, fruit was actually really, really sweet and yogurt too! I guess that’s how it’s supposed to taste? haha. You got this and remember that if you were able to do the entire Couch to 5K AND run the ENTIRE 5K, you can do anything! xoxo

  2. BunnySaysRawr says:

    Thanks Aimee! I appreciate the support! Good luck on WW. I doesn’t matter how many times you go back – it matters that you are trying!

  3. tina says:

    I completely understand how u feel. 2 yrs ago I lost those 30 lbs and I felt great. Now I’m back where I started and had decided to do something about it as well. I threw out all left over bday desserts and went shopping.eating better now just need to motivate my butt to work out… I wish u luck honey, I know how u feel. Long distance hugs, we can do this… miss u…

  4. BunnySaysRawr says:

    Thanks Tina! I appreciate the support and send it right back your way! Miss you!

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